I was on a train ride home from class, when a homeless man came onto the train. Instead of "performing" for the people on the train to get attention and support, he directly spoke to us about his situation of sleeping on a bench, not having enough to eat, not having a home. He asked for and said he'd appreciate any help he could get. When he came by my way, I gave him my spare change because I didn't have any singles on me--what I gave was nothing substantial. But while I awkwardly struggled to get my change out, I had to balance my cup of over-priced coffee in one hand, while I gave a man who said that he had no home a few cents.
It's like everything became crystalline and came into focus. I was a douche-bag.
I could spend five dollars on an unnecessary and overly sweet coffee at night-time, but I couldn't spare that same amount to someone who didn't have anything. Why--because I wasn't sure if he was being honest or running a scam? Would sparing the five dollars be that detrimental to me if it was a lie, especially when it could help him in the case that it's true? If he was lying, I would feel like I lost more than my money. However, if that man was lying on the subway simply to get money to pay for his vices, he's already in worse shape than me with a few bucks less. I don't know, I guess I expect more from myself and it's jarring to realize how closed-off and jaded I can be.
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