Summertime is not what it used to be . . .

I miss the time when the livin' was easy :/As I get older, the less easy it seemingly gets.

This might be a simple thought, but . . .

. . . how does one forgive another? I know that its possibility depends on the degree of the injustice, including who hurt you and the motive. But how do you actually forgive? It took me a long time to realize that time doesn't heal all wounds, rather, it provides us the emotional distance from the event to learn to bear with it. Healing and growth is involved, I know, also the action of "letting go." But there is a line between what should and can be let go, and what should be the deciding factor to part ways.

I guess I'm struggling with this grey area, where I have tried to find meaning in the other person's upbringing, point of view, thought process, and emotional deficiencies. Not necessarily to justify what was done, but to understand the scope of the person's emotional capacity and accept that people have limits. Some try to combat those limits and grow, while others remain stunted, either by choice or capacity.

Does it come down to what's more important: the injustice, the grudge, what's left of the relationship, or moving on with your own life? Is it considered a grudge (meaning it has the potential to harm you because you're holding onto such negative and toxic emotions), or is it wisdom? I do believe that it's possible to forgive without forgetting, but I don't know if I'm deluding myself.

No Pain, No Gain . . .

It's insane how life works sometimes.Tell me how I pull a muscle in my neck and shoulder while tying my hair into a ponytail? It's taking an injury for me to take some time off from work. That is a wake-up call--my body is forcing me to stop and rest. I should have paid better attention. My shoulder has been hurting on and off for over a month now, but I pushed it aside, thinking that it would heal itself. My body decided to teach me a lesson instead. Eh, it's a beautiful day outside, the break from work provides me time to finish some school assignments, and I get to enjoy my morning coffee instead of rushing through it to get to work on time. I'm trying to accept the silver-lining as compensation for the fact that I can't look to my right, left, up or down without turning my entire torso in that direction. =_________= BLARG!

Dreamed a Life . . .

This song has me nostalgic for my childhood and summer. The simple freedom of the season and of that age are what I miss. I knew that childhood was fleeting, even at that age, which made growing up a strange experience: I didn't want it to happen because of what I would lose, while knowing it was inevitable. Not that I would want to live a Peter-Pan life anyway, ha. That's a whole can-of-worms on its own.

I wonder what I'm waiting for, what is it that I think will motivate me, or inspire me, to start living my life the way I would like to? What's the hold-up? Fear? Fear that if I truly try, and I fail, I won't even have the hope of what could have been? Fear that if I go in the directions I want to, I'm letting go of what I know, trying to balance on a tightrope with little confidence in my ability to make it to the other side? The fear that if I really rely on myself, really embrace the responsibility to myself, that I will not be able to fulfill it or that I will wander down a path that I would not be able to return from if it doesn't pan out?

After all this philosophizing, I realize I have so much more to grow. The amount of cynicism I hold doesn't necessarily correlate with how mature I really am XD I wish maturity/growth/wisdom was guaranteed as we got older.

Maria Taylor's "Time Lapse Lifeline"

"It's Okay to Not Be Okay"

Sometimes a song can give the best advice that others can't find the words for or the means to give. I feel a little adolescent for quoting song lyrics to represent how I feel or what I'm thinking about, however, words (may they be my own or others') have the great power to connect and clarify the emotional and mental blur that overwhelming feelings/moods can be. The song is encouraging, and a little positive reminder of the possibilities that remain no matter what's going on in life, is enough to change perspective for the better.

A Winter Wish . . .

. . . for the freedom of a snow day.

Falling Up . . .

I hope I remember to incorporate the unexpected and whimsical into my home, when I finally become a 'grown-up' and create a home of my own, on my own. I hope the same for my life, otherwise, I think I might run the risk of not really living.

(Picture by Polly Reford via Anthology Magazine)